Why are we so unwilling to accept change?


Introspection on ourselves

Could you be a perfectionist or just like things the way they are? Change for me is like the shampoo bottle moving a few inches to the left when it should be in its rightful place. Feel aggrieved and constantly moving it back? Me too! Your favourite packet of crisps has a new logo; there was nothing wrong with the old one, right? You get a new job and can't help constantly comparing it to how easy your old one was. Sound all too familiar?

Change is a pain in the.....

Change, to me, is when something moves or shifts to something you are not used to. Change occurs everywhere and in every situation a fair few times in our lives in every aspect. It's metaphorically and sometimes logistically annoying and painful. Would I be good enough if change occurred? What other surprises lay in store? But will it eventually empower me to to better myself in ways I didn't think I could?

A theory about why things change

If you think about life as a young child your life constantly changed. You grew, your shoes were constantly too small, people came in and out of your life ( your parents or guardians chose this) and your routine changed.

If you accept that we evolved from our primate ancestors, we adapted and overcame the problems they faced to become a race that still survives now. Would we have done that without change?

So if it's a survival of the fittest you'd think that life would be perfect for us as we had already adapted right? But of course everyday we are still adapting as our environment and stimuli changes. It only feels like yesterday I still used my house phone to call my friends!

Why don't we like change and how to accept it

Easy answer - we want an easy life! Why waste our time getting used to something when we could just do or experience things the way we did before. I know when things change I can focus on the negative and focus on what is so pointless about the change. I can spend all of my energy conjuring up all of the cons as and when they pop up.

Even if a change is for the good eventually it's painful in the short term  and we need time to adjust.

Good news is afoot as we are humans and we can't adapt to change in one day. This is particularly true for those grieving as a result of a death of a loved one. There are all the stages to go through and trying to skip ahead or ignore them will just make it harder. I like to think of going through changes as going through the necessary steps until you can finally accept it.

So I say;

Think of reasons why the change may help ( not necessarily every situation I know)

Don't beat yourself up when you have had a bad day and struggle with it

Offer helpful feedback and not just because you don't like it (tempting for me). Try to think of why it may not make people's lives easier

Write off bad choices as lessons learnt

Know that if there wasn't change there wouldn't be a future!

We can only move forward, even if we think we are moving back, as we know in future to do something differently to get a result or a better result. Our school science experiments spring to mind here. We may not like it but we are doing it.

What do you think about change? Are you an embracer? Or avoider?


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