Sunshine on a rainy day
Having a bad day? Me too.
But when does it stop becoming a bad day and start becoming an everyday ‘bad day’?
When that bad day becomes a problem.
Bad day bad day bad day. Easier to discuss than a good day isn’t it? A legitimate reason for a rubbish mood and to indulge in copious glasses of wine.
Lots of indulgence makes us then think the next time we feel rubbish it’s ok to drink, it’s ok to spend, it’s ok to….. *insert damaging self-destructive action here*
It becomes a pattern where you deserve that wine or present because you need to somehow make the day worth it.
The next day is the same until we are spiralling out of control living our days waiting for the next drink or parcel. A lot of people reward themselves and it’s never an issue but I feel it’s more healthy when you feel like you have really worked for that new pair of shoes.
Why are we afraid to discuss it
Quite simply our behaviour seems normal and we don’t know how to explain it. We fear judgement from others and what people will expect from us.
I believe in some ways we all have a form of mental affliction disguised by normal daily activity; its how we deal with it that stops it turning into something else.
Examples include – self esteem issues. What do we do to combat it? We seek approval from others, in person or social media. In this way we aren’t having to ‘face’ anyone.
We get rejected from job interviews – we go on a spiralling self destructive path and decide we will never get a job again. We don’t want to burden our much more successful friends so we keep to ourselves bottling it up.
Our relationship ends – we blame ourselves or worse it was ended by them and cue the self esteem issues, the heartbreak diet, the self-pity. From my personal experience again it’s not wanting to burden others. We just want to seem normal and ok and make drastic changes to combat our feelings instead.
That new hobby or new pair of shoes won’t result in unwelcome opinions.
What can we do
Instead of going on a wild goose chase and pursuing new activities to fill your time and consequently spending every penny you have on starting yoga, tennis etc try and see what you can do around you and for you.
Relating it back to me – I decide I have nothing to read so I decide to buy more books notwithstanding the bookcase full I have and the droves I have already bought this year. I’ve started keeping them in my bag or next to my bed to remind me I need to read them. If I don’t get in to them I start a new book. I do recommend ‘The Secret’ – interesting concepts.
Remind ourselves of the following:
There’s a fine line between healthy behaviour and responses to it becoming unhealthy. Far too many examples to cover but maybe I’ll hone in on a few in future posts. To this end ensure patterns are broken.
Make new friends.
Decide if you’ve had a bad day then you need to decide that the next day you will have a good day. Think of at least one thing that has made you smile that day. The train was on time, you received a nice text message or you decided not to care! It’s said a lot but has made a difference to me when I can come up with one thing that keeps me going.
Beating yourself up when you have a bad day is counter productive. Have bad days.
Having borderline personality I find myself continuously doing things that I think are the right things to do. My behaviour can border on obsessive and if I don’t want to be motivated or can’t / won’t do anything with my day I feel a day is wasted. It’s ok to have these days. It’s ok to talk to someone who cares and I genuinely am starting to come to terms with the idea that it doesn’t always make sense. Not like that hangover induced headache anyway.
I’ve said it before too- social media cleanse and detox!