I can get rich quick

I can get rich quick

Most people have a goal in life and they want to be rich and grow up working towards achieving both. Some people are happy moving through life paying the bills and working to eat. What if we worked to enjoy life though or to enrichen our lot?

What does it mean to be rich

This really depends on what you think rich means. Does it mean materially rich or spiritually rich? Does it mean full? Over the years I think feeling or being rich has become convoluted to the extent that people really associate being rich with being materially wealthy. But you don’t enrichen yourself with money.

When I grow up I want to be rich 

When I was a child I wanted to be rich. Who doesn’t? I wanted to have the money to afford a nice house and nice things. When you think these things when you are 15 you think that being grown up is a long way off. By the time you are 30 you believe you will be earning a thousand pounds a month and then you will be rich.

Jobs are easy to come by as there couldn’t be anyone possibly as passionate as you about that goal. You’ve spent your life so far building you to this haven’t you?

Now im grown up I’m not rich

I’m not rich. I’m not materially rich but my life is enriched by the struggles I didn’t think I’d face. It’s good to face the reality as richness doesn’t come from your bank balance; it comes from your creativity. Thinking about ways to get richer or improve is never a bad thing but wouldn’t it be boring if there was never anything to save for or work toward?

Tips to get rich quicker

  • Ask yourself why you feel grateful today
  • Read a book you’ve been meaning to read
  • Try something new be it a sport or just getting out and not looking at social media for a day
  • Try a new skincare product
  • Do something kind for someone else
  • Buy a chocolate bar – strange one but it actually makes me feel so happy!

What do you do to feel richer?

mental health

Sunshine on a rainy day

Having a bad day? Me too. 

But when does it stop becoming a bad day and start becoming an everyday ‘bad day’?
When that bad day becomes a problem.
Bad day bad day bad day. Easier to discuss than a good day isn’t it? A legitimate reason for a rubbish mood and to indulge in copious glasses of wine.
Lots of indulgence makes us then think the next time we feel rubbish it’s ok to drink, it’s ok to spend, it’s ok to….. *insert damaging self-destructive action here*
It becomes a pattern where you deserve that wine or present because you need to somehow make the day worth it.
The next day is the same until we are spiralling out of control living our days waiting for the next drink or parcel. A lot of people reward themselves and it’s never an issue but I feel it’s more healthy when you feel like you have really worked for that new pair of shoes.

Why are we afraid to discuss it 

Quite simply our behaviour seems normal and we don’t know how to explain it. We fear judgement from others and what people will expect from us.
I believe in some ways we all have a form of mental affliction disguised by normal daily activity; its how we deal with it that stops it turning into something else.
Examples include – self esteem issues. What do we do to combat it? We seek approval from others, in person or social media. In this way we aren’t having to ‘face’ anyone.
We get rejected from job interviews – we go on a spiralling self destructive path and decide we will never get a job again. We don’t want to burden our much more successful friends so we keep to ourselves bottling it up.
Our relationship ends – we blame ourselves or worse it was ended by them and cue the self esteem issues, the heartbreak diet, the self-pity. From my personal experience again it’s not wanting to burden others. We just want to seem normal and ok and make drastic changes to combat our feelings instead.
That new hobby or new pair of shoes won’t result in unwelcome opinions.

What can we do 

Instead of going on a wild goose chase and pursuing new activities to fill your time and consequently spending every penny you have on starting yoga, tennis etc try and see what you can do around you and for you.
Relating it back to me – I decide I have nothing to read so I decide to buy more books notwithstanding the bookcase full I have and the droves I have already bought this year. I’ve started keeping them in my bag or next to my bed to remind me I need to read them. If I don’t get in to them I start a new book. I do recommend ‘The Secret’ – interesting concepts.
Remind ourselves of the following:
There’s a fine line between healthy behaviour and responses to it becoming unhealthy. Far too many examples to cover but maybe I’ll hone in on a few in future posts. To this end ensure patterns are broken.
Make new friends.
Decide if you’ve had a bad day then you need to decide that the next day you will have a good day. Think of at least one thing that has made you smile that day. The train was on time, you received a nice text message or you decided not to care! It’s said a lot but has made a difference to me when I can come up with one thing that keeps me going.
Beating yourself up when you have a bad day is counter productive. Have bad days.

Conclusion

Having borderline personality I find myself continuously doing things that I think are the right things to do. My behaviour can border on obsessive and if I don’t want to be motivated or can’t / won’t do anything with my day I feel a day is wasted. It’s ok to have these days. It’s ok to talk to someone who cares and I genuinely am starting to come to terms with the idea that it doesn’t always make sense. Not like that hangover induced headache anyway.
I’ve said it before too- social media cleanse and detox!

change

Introspection on ourselves

Could you be a perfectionist or just like things the way they are? Change for me is like the shampoo bottle moving a few inches to the left when it should be in its rightful place. Feel aggrieved and constantly moving it back? Me too! Your favourite packet of crisps has a new logo; there was nothing wrong with the old one, right? You get a new job and can't help constantly comparing it to how easy your old one was. Sound all too familiar?

Change is a pain in the.....

Change, to me, is when something moves or shifts to something you are not used to. Change occurs everywhere and in every situation a fair few times in our lives in every aspect. It's metaphorically and sometimes logistically annoying and painful. Would I be good enough if change occurred? What other surprises lay in store? But will it eventually empower me to to better myself in ways I didn't think I could?

A theory about why things change

If you think about life as a young child your life constantly changed. You grew, your shoes were constantly too small, people came in and out of your life ( your parents or guardians chose this) and your routine changed.

If you accept that we evolved from our primate ancestors, we adapted and overcame the problems they faced to become a race that still survives now. Would we have done that without change?

So if it's a survival of the fittest you'd think that life would be perfect for us as we had already adapted right? But of course everyday we are still adapting as our environment and stimuli changes. It only feels like yesterday I still used my house phone to call my friends!

Why don't we like change and how to accept it

Easy answer - we want an easy life! Why waste our time getting used to something when we could just do or experience things the way we did before. I know when things change I can focus on the negative and focus on what is so pointless about the change. I can spend all of my energy conjuring up all of the cons as and when they pop up.

Even if a change is for the good eventually it's painful in the short term  and we need time to adjust.

Good news is afoot as we are humans and we can't adapt to change in one day. This is particularly true for those grieving as a result of a death of a loved one. There are all the stages to go through and trying to skip ahead or ignore them will just make it harder. I like to think of going through changes as going through the necessary steps until you can finally accept it.

So I say;

Think of reasons why the change may help ( not necessarily every situation I know)

Don't beat yourself up when you have had a bad day and struggle with it

Offer helpful feedback and not just because you don't like it (tempting for me). Try to think of why it may not make people's lives easier

Write off bad choices as lessons learnt

Know that if there wasn't change there wouldn't be a future!

We can only move forward, even if we think we are moving back, as we know in future to do something differently to get a result or a better result. Our school science experiments spring to mind here. We may not like it but we are doing it.

What do you think about change? Are you an embracer? Or avoider?

 

 

The Escape Book Review

The Escape by C L Taylor

So recently I found the time to read ‘The Escape’ by Cally Taylor which is a mixture of suspense, thrill and fear.

Why I read The Escape.

I watched a talk the author, Cally, conducted at London Book Fair in March and received an excerpt of ‘The Escape’. The first page sets us up nicely for the suspense and twists and turns that befall us in the book so I knew it was something that I would enjoy reading. I wouldn’t get bored! Cally also handed out some great advice and tips  for budding authors and she was really inspiring; I liked her immediately. Maybe I’ll do another post on all of this later.

What is it about? 

The Escape focuses on Jo, her husband Max and their young daughter Elise. You immediately get drawn in as Jo is being followed but of course you don’t know that at first. It all seems innocent until the end of the first chapter after which you are compelled to carry on reading. Jo has been followed by a stranger and asked for a lift and the woman knows a lot about her. Jo has experienced a life of anxiety and agoraphobia. The story builds up to to everyone and anyone around her falling foul of her apart from possibly her friend Helen, mum and a stranger she meets later. Her mistrust of them matches their suspicion of her and she runs away with her daughter.

Why is it good?

‘The Escape’ is a story told by an unreliable narrator, written from Jo’s first person point of view. I found myself relating to her a lot but sometimes wanted to shake her and shout at her to deal with something in a different way. As the story develops you never quite know whether Jo really does have cause for concern or if her mental health is just declining. I liked this because not only do you want to continue to read to find out but you want to find out who is actually causing the main problem.

Every few chapters the first person point of view switches to another person. It is who this is at the beginning. You are inclined to think it may be the stranger Jo gave a lift to but it does start to become clearer as the book progresses.

I think it’s great how the book’s tone completely does an ‘about turn’ as Jo is forced to battle her fears and paranoias and you really feel like you grow and change with her and her small triumphs. The scene nearer the end with Max, Mary and  Jo (you’ll need to read to know more!) is a real climax of the suspense and fear that’s been building all the way through. There’s a moment you fear the worst which drives you to the ending of the book.

The epilogue serves as a satisfying conclusion of ‘The Escape’ as it essentially mirrors the beginning in a clever way which ties it all up. The tables have well and truly turned and I was glad and happy for Jo.

There is an interesting part where it is revealed at the beginning that Jo has her husband’s boss’s phone number programmed in to her phone. The boss, Fiona, at one point even says that Jo needs to remove her number but it actually serves a very useful purpose. I don’t want to provide too many spoilers but I was glad the power was passed to her in the moment she chose to do one thing involving Fiona’s voicemail.

As the book progresses, the power struggle between Jo and her husband becomes further apparent. It feels as if he is later losing the control as Jo continues to triumph. He gets drunk, he gets targeted and he can’t penetrate and manipulate people like he once could. This is quite ironic as Jo believes all the way through that she is the one losing control and reinforces the whole ‘escape’ theme as she runs from everything. She runs at the beginning by  grabbing her daughter and ‘escaping’ from her daughter’s nursery and continues to run throughout the book.

I highly recommend it. Have you read it?

 

 

wanderlust

Wandering as far as the sea

Wanderlust is essentially that; the lust to wander. The innate feeling of wanting to travel and see what else is out there. Think of this as cabin fever or itchy feet. I am one of those people where the need to escape and travel haunts me regularly and I don’t even think you need to actually go far to do this. I think any activity which steers away from the norm can sometimes satisfy the wanderlust.

Where does wanderlust come from? 

For me an incessant wandering mind. If your mind is constantly wondering what is out there and where can you go next then you will want to naturally visit these places. For me wanderlust is the desire to see more than four walls.

It can also stem from a severe fear of wasting your life or even a deep dissatisfaction with the way your life is going.

I used to think everything would be great when I left home or if I was really rich and could travel constantly. Now my mindset hasn’t necessarily changed; I am just more determined to try everything.

Why has wanderlust happened? 

Over time my definition of ‘rich’ has changed. You can be rich in money, rich in health etc. and from when I once thought you could only be rich if you had loads of spare cash I now feel rich being able to take on new experiences. What I want to do is worth more to me than working 90 hour weeks in the ‘rat race’. The worst nightmare and not a life. By no ways wandering or lustful.

How has wanderlust happened? 

This has developed in me via my natural instincts and personality. Perfectionism to be precise. I have always strived for 100% in everything and now that million pound house is on the backburner as I have meaningful life experiences to thank for satisfying me. I have so often been disappointed by ‘stuff’ or places and jobs because they don’t meet my perfect world ideal. Now that I’m not willing to settle anymore, I have learnt to see the richest parts of each opportunity. I never have masses of money so it forces me to use what I have creatively. I’m not a lazy person and never have been and do what I needed to do to get through the hard times. My first job was delivering newspapers when I was 13 where I a`rnt £6.00 a week and I’ve pretty much worked ever since.

The future.

I’m very much like most girls/women. I love fashion, makeup, TV and can still treat myself but I now have an appreciation for what I have instead of beating myself up for what I had.

So many people will put up with their life and continue to run the race. I am continuing but I am also now making improvements for me because I owe that to myself.

Not sure when my wanderlust will ever stop or where it will lead me next. One thing I know for sure is that I won’t be ashamed anymore that I keep ‘chopping and changing’.

Getting a job is so often these days based on your past experiences and it’s the age old adage that recruiters are put off by a candidate having many past jobs. I have come to the conclusion then that that experience is not worth fighting for. I’d had a pretty standard job past until now . Before now criticism got to me in the worst way. I wasn’t good enough; I wasn’t as good as the other candidates obviously. Now I know that I just don’t fit their ‘ideal’ and that’s ok. Rejection is for a reason.

Summarising the ramblings and some further points -

  1. Im no longer putting up with sub-standard experiences longer.
  2. Moving continuously on does not mean there is something wrong with you.
  3. Having mortgages and children is not the be all and end all.
  4. As long as you good enough in your eyes that’s all that matters.

Life is not a constant and the way most people live it is. I can’t live ‘constantly’; I existed only. Now I fly.

Let me know your experiences or opinions!